Admissions essay HELP!!!?

Admissions essay HELP!!!?
I am applying for a week long summer program at a local prestigious high school. In a brief essay, I must describe what talents, bank of knowledge, special interests, etc., will I be bringing to them. This is my intro and another section I came up with. They are very short and only some of what I have come up with. They most likely will not be put together and any suggestions are MORE THAN WELCOME.

As a 2007 ASMS Adventures in Math and Science Summer Program participant, I will bring my ambition, intelligence, creativity, and leadership skills to your program.

Being a driven and hardworking person, this summer I will challenge myself to improve academically. Your program is the perfect opportunity for me to do that.

If you have any suggestions, tips or anything of that nature please help. I really want to be accepted.

By the way, I am 14 if that makes any difference

Go further with your list to give examples of how you will bring leadership, intelligence, and creativity to the program. For example, you could be an excellent artist, or you could be great at building things. Details are important, for programs to be able to see the person behind the essay.

Also, the essay asks for special interests and a ‘bank of knowledge’ — so tell them! What are you interested in or good at academically? Certain sports, activities? What else do you like besides math?

To make your essay flow better, you could use an “I do this, so this means this about me” approach. Spend more time telling about how your interests have made you a better person for their program.

I hope this helps!