Are these lines too strong for a high school speech?

Are these lines too strong for a high school speech?
I’m writing an essay/speech, and the topic is “Are there still heroes in America?” my answer is the cliched, “yes, our soldiers.” However, I have some lines that I personally like and I think are “attention-getters,” but I’m not sure if they’re too strong. They are;

“They risk everything for us, the people of America, so that our rights and freedoms are protected. They fight so that we may have a peaceful life. They die so that America may live.”


“Soldiers fighting overseas this very minute are willing to come home in coffins if that means America will be safe and remain a free nation. Freedom isn’t free; it is bought at a price of blood, sweat, and tears, and for someone to witness the payment of something so many people take for granted is one of the most honorable and heroic things a person could do.”

I’m also not sure if those sound worded correctly…thanks in advance.

i get chills when thinking about this topic. war is nasty business, no doubt. i think your topic is a good one and it is ok to have a few “attention-getting” or controversial thoughts in your text.

your paragraphs will work, simply because it is hard to root against the american soldier (unless you are the enemy).

you could probably spend lots of time tweaking this and that, but be careful – you don’t want to lose the essence and impact of your statements. you might reconsider the cliche lines (bought at the price of blood..) and sharpen that bit. have you researched any military recruiting brochures for additional ideas? you may also begin to pinpoint some of the “precious” things that we own, or have, or do, that are taken for granted. wonder why paris hilton is a household name and the last american soldier to die in afghanistan is unknown.

these are strange days for sure..

best of luck! 🙂