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09/04/2019

Boston University Supplemental Essay. Quick Feedback Please!?

QUESTION
Boston University Supplemental Essay. Quick Feedback Please!?
Below is the topic for the essay I have to write, as a part of the supplemental for BU. After, is what I’ve written. I’d really appreciate any criticism, advice, and suggestions. Thank You!

BU attracts students from more countries than are represented in the United Nations. Our global presence and reputation are important and are reflected in the perspectives, opinions, and experiences of our students. Why is this type of environment important to you?, in an essay no more than 500 words. I wrote about 380 words so I have some freedom to add in things. here’s what I’ve got:

One of the most crucial aspects of a institutions success in educating their students is in it’s cultural diversity. Personally, I find it to be themost significant aspect. While some schools may create the semblance that, academically, they are superior (and it could be true), I believe a properly motivated individual with the hunger for education can learn anything anywhere. What is more important is their personal growth during their learning and how it helps them post graduation.

Who these individuals have become and how they will disseminate their education and findings is what really counts. I will admit that personal growth is inevitable, it happens everyday, but the direction in which we grow is what truly matters. Being constantly surrounded by similar minds and interests can and will prevent you from increasing your horizons. The world changes too fast and frequently and anyone can easily be left behind. A limited amount of mind provocativeness for understandings of our world and new insights will leave anyone eating dust. I definitely will not be left behind because I will look for a greatly diverse environment in which to study in.

In a diverse environment, the opportunities to learn and become more worldly are vast. I dream of class discussions and debates, in such places, that people can argue respectably and defend their opinions with their own perspectives and experiences. Also be able to hear these own perspectives and experiences from completely different people – maybe a student with family living in the Middle East and exposure to its archaic rebel forces explaining his opinions on them or even a native South American explaining the differences of living there and in the United States.

I want to be able to learn why customs are what they are and why people believe in what they believe. I think understanding people is key to a great number of things. From simply knowing when to respect their religion to knowing exactly how to perform business negotiations derives from understanding. Since everyday the world becomes more connected, I want to grow, change, question, understand and be able to use all of this to become the leader I know I’ll be. In order to ensure a well rounded, cultured, and unique personal growth this type of environment is a must-have for me.

ANSWER
Hello! I just asked a similar question myself in regards to my own college essay, and I happened to stumble across yours. I noticed a few things though: it should be “an institution’s” in your first sentence, it should be “post-graduation” in your last sentence in the first paragraph, I would take out the sentence “A limited amount of mind provocativeness for understandings of our world and new insights will leave anyone eating dust” because provocativeness isn’t really being used in the correct context and the sentence seems to be reiterating the aforementioned sentence, in your second paragraph I would fix the third sentence by making it “Also, to be able to…”, in the first sentence in the last paragraph I would take out “to be able to” and just leave it as “I want to learn..”

But besides all of this I really liked it! Especially the part about similar minds and interests and how they can prevent you from increasing your own horizons. Good luck. 🙂