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09/07/2019

Can anyone correct this essay for me?

QUESTION
Can anyone correct this essay for me?
Here is my essay:

In this world, custom from one nation might be different from another even we share the same world to live on. Some customs from one nation might be accepted world wild, while some other is impossible to accept. Female genital mutilation is a custom that was found in Muslim Africa. This custom is very cruel, and it is unaccepted for many countries around the world. Why still we continue this activity? We should ban Female genital mutilation for three reasons.
First of all, female genital mutilation is against the human right. Girl from ages 4 to 12 was forced to cut off their clitoris or even clitoris and both the labia majora and the labia minora. No girl can ever escape from this cruel culture. Girls from those ages have their right not to do that surgery because this surgery is so dangerous and unsafe. When the operations are made, girls are so painful because they lose one important part of their bodies. The mutilations are made without applying anesthetic and girls are not able to move as they are hold tightly by several old ladies. Those activities absolutely consider as child abuse.
Secondly, FML is a sight a gender inequality. The society have perform this activity is a male dominated society. Girls are forced to do the circumcision because they were judged by this activity. Women have no right to ask about their right, and they were considered impure and were not allow to married.
Finally yet importantly, FGM provide bad effect to women’s health. The consequences of FGM have both short term effects and long term effects. For short term effects, it provides severe pain and bleeding, infections, shock, injury to nearby genital tissue, difficulty in passing urine and sometimes death, according to Manfred Nowak, UN Special Rapporteur on Torture and other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment. The paint will for more than one week. One girl, circumcised at age 12, described this effect in this way: “After the operation, they forced me, not only to walk back to join the other girl who had already been excised, but to dance with them… I was doing my best… then I fainted… It was a month before I was completely healed… When I was better, everyone mocked me, as I hadn’t been brave, they said.” (Walker and Parmar, 1993, pp. 107-108). This effect will continue to long term effect- sexual, physical and psychological. While many women prefer vagina sex, women who have undergone FGM prefer anal sex because vagina sex make them fell paint and uncomfortable. There is study show that women who experienced FGM have such a high rate of maternal and infant death.
The society that perform this custom believe that FGM reduce female sexual desire, so applying it will make the women be a virgin until their married and be loyal to their husbands. Furthermore, it enhances the cleanliness from getting affect for the clitoris. However, the consequences of this behavior are so terrible. Thinking about their health, their gender and their right, they do not have to do it.
In conclusion, female genital mutilation is so dangerous. We should officially ban it from every part of the world. Looking to its consequences, we should understand about the feeling that those women have. It is not the evident to show the loyalty or to make sure about a virgin of the women.

ANSWER
If english is your second language, you’re doing pretty well and are to be congratulated for tackling such a tough subject; but there are lots of spelling/syntax errors, and your sentences are choppy and hard to read.

If english is your primary language, and you’re older than about 12, you really need some remedial English tutoring.

Your logic fails in several places; for instance, why the comment about anal sex? Who cares? Lots of women that are “intact” love anal sex (like me for instance). And what about places where the FGM takes place in sterile hospital operating rooms, performed by doctors, under anaesthesia? Is that somehow better?