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09/04/2019

Can anyone proofread/edit my essay?

QUESTION
Can anyone proofread/edit my essay?
if you have to add or remove some words please do so. thank you

What is beauty? Beauty can be defined in ways. The definition that everyone uses in beauty is the combination of qualities, such as shape, color, or form that pleases the aesthetic senses, esp. the sight. This topic of beauty affects all of us because in today’s culture society judges individuals whose appearances seems to matter more than what person portrays inside. In the essay “A Woman’s Beauty: Put Down or Power Source?” Susan Sontag explains that for women beauty is a job that they have to keep to maintain their job. She also mentions how women are seen by different parts of the body. I agree with Susan Sontag that women are encouraged to seek the power of beauty to seduce men.

Susan believes beauty affects women in all matters that it interferes with their jobs. She mentions how “for a woman, can never be just a pleasure. It is also a duty. It is her work. If a woman does real work- and even if she has clambered up to a leading position in politics, law, medicine, business, or whatever- she is always under pressure to confess that she still works at being attractive” (Sontag 327). This quote explains how women have to feel obligated to go to work dressed beautifully because as women they are required by society to be attractive. It doesn’t matter if their career is being a lawyer, nurse, doctor, or supervisor. I have experience an observation experience for example, my female cousin works as a sales associate at a retail store at the mall. She dresses really pretty to attract customers to the store, especially men. The store wouldn’t have any problem with what she wears since it attracts customers. So her beauty and beautiful appearance would play a big part of her job helps her job. It’s similar to the author’s point of view. Women use beauty as part of their life’s such like employment opportunities to further their careers.

ANSWER
Sure here you go (comments in *asterisks*, things you need to add in [brackets], things you need to delete in )

What is beauty? Beauty can be defined in [a number of] ways. The definition [of beauty] that everyone uses is the combination of qualities<,> such as shape, color, or form that pleases the aesthetic senses, esp[ecially]*you can’t put abbreviations in an essay*. the sight. [The] topic of beauty affects all of us because in today’s culture[,] society judges individuals whose appearances seems to matter more than what person portrays inside. In the essay “A Woman’s Beauty: Put Down or Power Source?” Susan Sontag explains that for women[,] beauty is a job that they have to keep to maintain their job. She also mentions how women are seen by different parts of the body. I agree with Susan Sontag that women are encouraged to seek the power of beauty to seduce men.

Susan believes beauty affects women in all matters [and] that it interferes with their jobs. She mentions how “for a woman, can never be just a pleasure. It is also a duty. It is her work. If a woman does real work- and even if she has clambered up to a leading position in politics, law, medicine, business, or whatever- she is always under pressure to confess that she still works at being attractive” (Sontag 327). This quote explains how women have to feel obligated to go to work dressed beautifully because as women[,] they are required by society to be attractive. It doesn’t matter if their career is being a lawyer, nurse, doctor, or supervisor. *this is extremely awkward phrasing* [For example], my female cousin works as a sales associate at a retail store at the mall. She dresses really pretty to attract customers to the store, especially men. The store wouldn’t have any problem with what she wears [as long as] it attracts customers. So her beauty and *redundant* appearance would play a big part of her job helps her job. It’s similar to the author’s point of view. Women use beauty as part of their life’s such like employment opportunities to further their careers.

With the edits it should be a B/B- essay.