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09/04/2019

can anyone revise my Who am i Essay. 10 POINTS!?

QUESTION
can anyone revise my Who am i Essay. 10 POINTS!?
I would like to know if i made any errors or consider changing something that sounds more reasonable and better. thanks

Who I am

My name is ______ but my friends refer me as Jen I am half Middle Eastern, half Venezuelan, a quarter Greek and Armenian. I am 16 years old and I currently attend MHS as a junior. I was born in the United States of America and lived with traditional parents. I have two older siblings, one sister and one brother. My parents would expect me to exceed in everything ranging from getting good grades in school to becoming a successful person in life. They would often compare me to other girls and pick on the things I need to work on.
Furthermore, throughout my life, I have become very competitive and hardworking but at the same time, Ever since I was a little girl, I have this competitive nature. For instance, I wanted to be a perfectionist and always to win. Most of the time, I was compared to my cousin who was smart, and talented in art. My family would challenge us two and see who did academically better and who is more talented. Even though I love challenges, I hate losing the challenges. When I lose, I can be very hard on myself, because the fact I am very competitive, I strive to work really hard. I was taught by my parents that there is no short cuts in life and anything you want to achieve, you must go on the hard way. However, I am learning that in life there can be downfalls sometimes and I just have to put myself up and continue to move on.
Moreover, I am very enthusiastic and outgoing. I enjoy going to the movies with family and friends and working out. I also attend karate class twice a week, to learn self discipline and how to defend myself. Moreover, I enjoy doing a lot of different things such as, volunteering at Humane Society Silicon Valley and spending a lot of time with my precious dogs. I absolutely adore animals. My ambitions are becoming a vet tech, and obtaining a bachelor degree at UC Davis. All in all, I have lived my life amazingly, and I am hoping that the rest of my life flows happily.

Well its on microsoft word its in double spaced, times new roman, 12 font, 3 paragraphs, 373 words.

ANSWER
My name is _____, but my friends refer to me as Jen. I am half Middle Eastern, Venezuelan, a
quarter Greek and Armenian. I am 16 tears old and I currently attend MHS as a junior. I was born in
the United States, but lived with traditional parents. I have two older siblings; one sister and one
brother. My parents have very high expectations for me. Expectations ranging from getting good
grades in school to becoming a successful person in life. They would often compare me to other girls
and pick on the things I need to work on.
Furthermore, throughout my life I have become very competitive and hardworking. At the same time, ever since I was a little girl, I have this competitive nature. Most of the time, I was compared to
my cousin who was smart and talented in art. My family would challenge us two, and see who did
academically better and who is more talented. Even though I love challenges, I disliked losing the
challenges. When I lose; i can be very hard on myself, because I am very competitive. I strive in
working really hard. I was taught by my parents that their is no short cuts in life, and anything you
want to achieve, must be worked very hard for. I am learning in life, that their cannot be any
downfalls, and that sometimes I just have to put myself up and continue to move on.
In conclusion, I am very enthusiastic and outgoing. I enjoy going to the movies with my family and friends. I also enjoy working out. I attend karate class twice a week, because I want to learn how
to defend myself. I also enjoy doing other things such as: volunteering at a Humane Society in
silicon Valley, and spending alot of time with my precious dogs. I absolutely adore animals. My
ambitions are becoming a Vet Tech, and obtaining a bachelor’s degree at UC Davis. All-in-all, I have
lived my life amazingly, and I am hoping that the rest of my life flows happily.