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09/04/2019

can someone edit this essay?

QUESTION
can someone edit this essay?
PROMPT: Discuss a leadership experience you have had in any area of your life – school, work, athletics, family, church, community, etc. How and why did you become a leader in this area? How did this experience influence your goals?

A leader is not simply selected among a group of teammates; instead, they must rise to the challenge. Anyone can be a leader, but the question lies in whether your teammates are ready to follow. As a senior and a first year cross country athlete, I had no intentions of being part of the four team captains that I am part of now. Being a leader does not necessarily mean that you are among the best athlete in your team or a person that command orders to be followed. A leader must give to get back in return and “needs to become a giver rather than just a guy that’s a demanding leader” as Lakers coach Phil Jackson once said.

Being team captain influenced me to greater set an example for the rest of my teammates. Although competing during a race would like any other person cause pain and exhaustion, I felt reluctant to stop to even walk a step. I believe that if a person is hurting while they are running slow, they might as well be hurting while they are running fast. As a leader, one would expect them to constantly be in the front to lead the group, but unlike those leaders, I found myself jumping around from the front to the back. Although I was new to the sport myself, it was never an opposition for me to be at the back of my group, not due to my exhaustion, but my efforts to encourage the runners that may be at the brink of giving up.

Running cross country has proven to me that reaching my goal is possible. As day turns to night, and as the starting line passes the finish line, I see myself improving with practice and every race. Although I may have improved by increments, every little improvement, even by milliseconds, while ultimately amount to triumph. This gave me confidence and showed me that if you are persistent in the effort of reaching your goal, it is possible.

By the end of the season, I was the second person out of the seven people in Varsity. I was a Valle Vista All League runner, and our varsity team advanced to the California Interscholastic Federation. I have gone through what every other athlete may have suffered: shin splints, wounds, bruises, and bandages. With pain comes determination, and with determination comes accomplishment.

ANSWER
I had to rewrite most of your essay to reflect the fact that you are now a leader. Concentrate more on the team accomplishments and less on your own individual accomplishments.
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A leader is someone who stands out among his or her peers and is chosen to be placed into a position that requires setting an example and providing direction for that group. Although anyone can be chosen as a leader, he or she must be willing and deserving of this position.

Being a first year cross country team member during my senior year, I had no expectations of becoming one of the four team captains. Afterall, I’m not the best runner on the team. So it came as a surprise to me when I was selected as one of the team captains.

Becoming a team captain has influenced me to set good examples for my teammates. As the Los Angeles Lakers Basketball coach Phil Jackson once remarked, a leader “needs to become a giver rather than just a guy that’s a demanding leader”. As a result, I must learn to give before I can expect to receive something in return from those who I lead.

When I am competing in a cross country run and encounter pain and exhaustion, I realize that as a leader, I must set an example that such obstacles can be overcome. I don’t have to be leading the pack to do this. It is more advantageous to be near my other teammates so that I can offer them words of encouragement. Rather than thinking about me winning the race, I now think about my team winning the race.

Running cross country has taught me self-discipline. I can’t expect to help my team without practice. And practice not only increases my endurance, it also improves my confidence and self-esteem. That can only make me a better leader for my team. Afterall, I can’t expect my teammates to perform unless I can achieve the same level, or even higher.

By the end of the season, I was surpassing my goals running cross country. I’m glad to have had a part in helping the varsity team advance to the California Interscholastic Federation. The effort was worth all the wounds, bruises, splints and bandages that were required for my teammates and I. Determination does lead to accomplishment.