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09/08/2019

Can someone read, and edit my essay?

QUESTION
Can someone read, and edit my essay?
When i walked into class I was shocked by the note on the teachers desk saying that we were all on an island, yet the teacher wasn’t with us. I sat down in my seat and questioned what i should do I mean after all the teacher wasn’t talking to any of the students about anything. No one knew what to say or do at first but when conversation arose louder and louder, it led to everyone forming their own groups and screaming over each other. A young girl was the first one to go up and take charge as the leader, although I don’t think it was very effective because the names she came up with for the island and what not sounded like every five year old’s birthday party. This i believe gave everyone the impression this leaders a joke, and since the teacher never told her to sit down, or take what we we’re doing seriously so everyone kept running the class like a Chuck E. Cheese. Without any authority we have no “rulers”, guidance, structure, ect, so then who do we have respect for? Maybe our friends but for the rest of the class none. Plus its not like our peers have any authority or power over us so do we turn it into a free for all, who cares what we do? Everything began to escalate in a matter of seconds it started from people attempting to take charge, to people breaking into small groups and becoming rebellious, to people later screaming, to the vast majority of the class shouting over one another, all resulting in nothing being accomplished except for giving a head ache to thirty percent of the class including the teacher. This can relate to Lord of the Flies so much because the same experiences were dealt with in the book and the classroom. This can and will be shown in the next few paragraphs.

Mind you, this is only my 1st paragraph, and ill type the other 3 right now, but if you can comment, and edit my essay so i don’t fail, id much appreciate it!!

ANSWER
When I walked into class, I was shocked by the note on the teacher’s desk. It said we were all on an island, yet the teacher wasn’t with us. We were on our own. I sat down in my seat, cautious and confused, and questioned what I should do. I mean, after all, the teacher wasn’t talking to the students about anything. At first, no one knew what to say or do, but eventually, small whispers and murmurs amongst neighbors rose louder and louder to conversations in which clusters of people that had formed had to yell at each other from three feet away simply to be heard.

One young girl was the first to take the initiative of walking up to the front and taking charge of the class. But I don’t think she was very effective, because the suggestions she made as to what to call the island and such sounded like something you’d hear a a five-year-old’s birthday party. Believably, this gave everybody the impression this leader’s a joke, not somebody to actually respect or listen to. But since the teacher never told her or anybody else to sit down, or to take what we were doing seriously, we continued to run the place like a children’s playground.

Without any authority figures, we have no guidance, structure, or leadership, so then who do we have respect for? Maybe we’ll have some for our friends, but very little for our other classmates and even less for our enemies. It’s not like our peers, people equal to us, have authority over us, like upperclassmen. How can we think we are better than ourselves? So we turn the classroom into a free-for-all; who cares what we do? Everything begins to escalate in a matter of minutes ,starting first with people unsuccessfully attempting to take charge, and then people gathering into small groups and becoming rebellious, later to people shouting as the volume arises in the room, resulting ultimately in nothing being accomplished except for migraines among a third of the class and the teacher.

This can relate to Lord of the Flies so much because this scenario was dealt with constantly in the book and the classroom…

So mostly just adding vocabulary and fixing grammar and paragraphing. Hope this helps!