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09/08/2019

can you rate my essay?

QUESTION
can you rate my essay?
What would life be without computers and technology? Computers are very useful in today’s society. They are beneficial because they make life easier, they help us communicate knowledge and ideas, and computers assist in out commerce. Computers are useful tools in making our lives easier and better.
Our dependence on computers makes life easier for almost everyone. With computers we can make useful tools, such as robotic machines to assist in assembly lines. These machines run on computers and can do jobs faster and more efficient than average workers. Computers also help the disabled by making tools to overcome their handicaps. For example, Stephen hawking uses a computerized chair to move and speak. Technology and computers are also useful in helping us travel. Computers are found in cars, which help us travel locally, and in planes, which help us travel all over the world. Computers also aid in communication.
Computers allow us to communicate our knowledge and ideas with others. It has revolutionized our world, today the uses of the internet, and programs installed such as live messenger, google, facebook, and Wikipedia make communication, obtaining information and sharing ideas easier to access. As high school students we use cell phones almost every day. We use them to talk to friends and text our thoughts and feelings. Also computers are a useful source of information for homework assignments. They also allow scientists to share their findings with the scientific community, and allow common people access to news all over the world. Computers also help in the commercial world.
Computers are extremely helpful in commerce. They reduce staffing jobs on routine jobs like wages and accounts. They probed statistics to plan the business, assist designers to make complex calculations, control shop floor machines, and speed up the process of the business, such as processing orders. Computers help us by selling items all over the world. Programs and websites such as, craigslist, amazon and eBay, help us sell items we don’t need and allow us to buy cheap things we do need. Computers also help us do research on something so that we know everything about the thing we will buy.
To conclude, our reliance in computers is in fact beneficial to our lives. This dependence makes life easier, help us communicate our knowledge and ideas, and makes commerce simpler .computers are exceedingly useful and influence almost every aspect of our lives.

im in 10th grade by the way and the we had to write about whether our dependence in computers is good or not.

and if have any suggestions about my essay and how i can make it better i would be really really thankful! 🙂

ANSWER
The point you’re making is that our dependence on computers is good. However, you didn’t really address any possible criticisms of why it’s not good. Ex: some people would say computers keep us from actually talking to each other, damage our health by having us sit at desks all day, etc. It would be good if you at least mentioned the negatives and then talked about why the positives outweigh those negatives.

One other small thing: try to use pronouns a little more. 🙂 Instead of using the word “computer” in every sentence, it’s nice to use “it” or “they” sometimes for variety.