Close

09/04/2019

College Essay! HELP!!?

QUESTION
College Essay! HELP!!?
This is the prompt: write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

This is my intro paragraph: Each of us has at least one person in our lives that has shaped us into the man or woman we are today. I met this person at an early age. The person that has made the largest impact on my life is my Grandpa because he taught me to share what I have to offer to the world, to love God above all else, and how to make life worth the living.

Is that enough? Do i need to add some ‘fluff’ or would that take away from it? Is my thesis good?

ANSWER
Personally, I think the last half of your opening paragraph is good. It sounds like you’re setting yourself up to address each of those three points in body paragraphs later on. Just make sure you have the space to address each of those points… many essays have word limits. Examples work great in these sort of essays.

The first couple of sentences are a little bland, though. They’re passable, so I’d suggest drafting out the rest of your essay, then consider returning and finding a better way to kick off your essay. You really want to grab the reader’s attention with those first few sentences, so find a way to introduce your paper that isn’t necessarily a rehash of the prompt. How do you want to frame the content that follows? Use your kickoff to set the tone for the rest of your essay.

I hope this helps!