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09/04/2019

College essay HELP PLEASE! 500 WORDS, CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM NEEDED?

QUESTION
College essay HELP PLEASE! 500 WORDS, CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM NEEDED?
Already written up, please constructive criticism? 503 Words. For UC Personal Statement,
I don’t wanna put my essay here but I am willing to send it by email if anyone would really be willing to look it over for me.
Constructive criticism is always welcome.
Please message me at [email protected].com or put your email here so I can send it here please!
PLEASEEE HELP!

ANSWER
Last year I received several emails from students who sent essays to other students for review and became concerned that those students plagiarized the essays. You should not send your essay to random people because you have no idea what they will do with the essay. For all you know, you could be taking advice from a 10-year old.

Where you should get advice:

– Ask college-educated adults who don’t know you very well to read your essays. This could be a teacher or counselor at school (who doesn’t work directly with you), your parents’ coworkers, a professor at the community college where you took a class, your mentor’s friends/coworkers, or adults you met through your extracurriculars outside of school.

– Ask for constructive feedback (and don’t say “brutally honest” … no one really gives brutally honest opinions, especially to teenagers). Things you want to know:

1. What are the readers’ first impression of you based on what they read (positive or negative)?

2. Have the readers learned something unique about you? Something that sets you apart from other people?

3. What image do you project through the essays? Are you intelligent, creative, articulate, quirky or just “nice”? You want to aim for something distinctive; “nice” is too generic.

4. Do the readers want to make friends with you after reading the essays? Are you someone they like and/or respect?

5. What do the readers think you were trying to convey in the essays? Do their perception match your intention? If not, tweak your essays until your message is clear.