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09/07/2019

Does what I’ve written sound like a definition essay or not?

QUESTION
Does what I’ve written sound like a definition essay or not?
People have developed the idea that beauty can only be found by simply looking at an object’s appearance. People feel that beauty is based on perfection and that anything less than symmetrical is not beautiful. They forget that beauty can be found on the inside just as it can be found externally. (Would that work as a thesis?)
Throughout the years people have based their definition of beauty on what is in style at the time.
If once a curvy body and curly hair were the “in” factors, they have been replaced with their opposites, the desire to have a stick figure and straight hair.
A lot of people are influenced by their surroundings on what beauty means to them. Celebrities are constantly using plastic surgery as a means to feeling beautiful. On lookers don’t realize that their “beauty” is as real as their plastic. Changing their physical characteristics only leads to a journey to a fantasy perfection.
A False beauty is all that can be achieved if an individual works only to reach outside beauty and forgets that the inside of a person reflects who they are on the outside.

What can I change? Am I on the right track? What else can I say?

ANSWER
i have some suggestions:
1. what is beauty really? what do you understand by it? try a definition, don’t necessarily think at a distinction between internal/external beauty
2. what produces these changes in perspectives and in style (e.g. once what was beautiful, now is ugly)?
3. you say “A lot of people are influenced by their surroundings on what beauty means to them.” and you give the celebrities’ example. explain what do you mean by surroundings. i don’t see the connection with the celebrities
4. “A False beauty is all that can be achieved if an individual works only to reach outside beauty and forgets that the inside of a person reflects who they are on the outside.” false or not fully(accomplished, perfect)?
5. it depends on what demands the essay. i think it’s a little puerile. the begging is memorable but it fails in the end. i wouldn’t set the matter on the ground of inside/external, natural/artificial beauty