Close

09/08/2019

Grade my SAT essay please, ASAP!!! 1 day to go for the exam….?

QUESTION
Grade my SAT essay please, ASAP!!! 1 day to go for the exam….?
Please, Please, Please grade my SAT essay….. only one day to go, so i am worried……

Topic: Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it?

—– Essay——-

People often suppress their views due to peer-pressure and/or failure. But the ones who fight their fears and raise their voice against the existing tyranny of the foul deeds, are called heroes. Heroes are people who raise their voice for what they feel is wrong when others lack the courage to do so.

The world has seen numerous amount of heroes, people who have rose from the ashes. People who have spoken for the good of humankind. People like, Abraham Lincoln, George Bernard Shaw, Mother Teressa, Marrie Curie etc. One of such heroes is Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi.

Gandhi was a man of his principles, who was born just like you and me and has received a good education too. But, when he saw the adverse conditions in India he bought about a drastic change within himself to make India a better place to live.

At the time of Gandhi, India was ruled by the British people. The Indians were tired by their tyranny. But everyone was afraid to speak for their freedom. People were horrified by the consequences that followed it. Yet, deep within their hearts they always felt the need for freedom. But their independent thoughts were suppressed when they saw the horrific death of other freedom fighters.

In this time, when people did not have enough courage to speak up, Gandhi did. His principles, thoughts and actions lead to the freedom that the Indians enjoy today. Thus Gandhi was titled as “Mahatma”, meaning a hero who rose from you and me.
Thus, heroes are people who speak up for the foul deeds when the people do not have the courage to do it. The acts by Gandhi is a huge example of heroism. And thus, we all should learn from his deeds and from all the other heroes, the history has witnessed.

“Heroism is not when you satisfy your needs, but when you satisfy others needs.”
– M. K. Gandhi

ANSWER
You did not address the portion of the question referring to humanity’s own lack of courage to say what needs to be said. You do not state whether you believe that it is what they say that makes them heroes. Always make sure that you are answering the question, rather than getting carried away in the answer to a question that “YOU” want to answer. You get so close to answering the question in your opening statement, but you just fall short of it. Almost as you are holding back making the decision to agree or not to agree.

It is obvious that English is not your native language, and this will hurt your chances for a good score. n several instances you use the incorrect tense of a word, or the wrong word entirely. For instance, “The world has seen various amounts of heroes….” should be “various types of heroes”. And, this statement entices the reader into expecting you to define multiple types of heroes. Yet, you did not. You could have also used an example of an Astronaut or Sports hero. A drastic difference from a Ghandi or Lincoln, yet still considered to millions as heroes – it would have made for an interesting comparative essay.

In all, you appeared to be afraid to open your mind to contrasting ideas – just as the average “non-heros” of your essay are.

Sorry, but I would have to agree: 3/6