Close

09/07/2019

Grade This SAT Essay Please?

QUESTION
Grade This SAT Essay Please?
Assignment: Are people more likely to achieve their goals by being flexible or by refusing to compromise? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Essay:

Although being uncompromising can help a person move a few steps toward his or her goal, it often leads to failure in the long run. To prosper in any aspect in life, the approval and alacrity of the public is needed. A building cannot stand without support. Support is needed. It is just as in the case of Adolf Hitler. He was not the most just and fair ruler, but his people gave him power because he was flexible. It is also as in the case of the American Civil Rights Revolution. The bigoted authorities did not heed their people’s cries for equality and were eventually overthrown along with their racist and biased principals.

In the first example, Adolf Hitler was an adroit speaker. He listened to the people of Germany and knew what they wanted. He also knew what he wanted. He was skilful at making speeches to the public and he used this skill to his advantage: he told the German’s exactly what they wanted to hear but was simultaneously hidebound by his obdurate beliefs and aims. It may be looked at as a form of manipulation but it was effective, and Hitler was not uncompromising.

In the second example, the United States before the twenty first century was a country of biased and unjust laws. The authorities of that time believed in the superiority of the white race. Over time, many people, such as Malcom X, began to rise in protest to these immoral beliefs and preached a lucid message to the public: they demanded equality. They demanded rights as human beings. But the authorities were just as tenacious. They refused to listen to the strong voice of the public and it was their stubbornness and uncompromising mentality that lead to their fall from power.

To conclude, it is worth mentioning that a person should have specific goals in mind and to stick by them. But it is just as important to be flexible enough to adapt to the public’s needs and circumstances. Listening to the public’s cries will determine whether or not a person will stay in power.

ANSWER
4/6, your diction is very advanced and your essay is very intellectual. However, your structure is mildly skewed, causing you to lose a full point. Make it a 3-5-5-3 sentence structure, your second paragraph is only 3 sentences, which ruins the structure of the essay. Another suggestion is that you do not add, “in the first example”, “in the second example”, and “to conclude”. Your essay as a whole seems a little unfocused towards the prompt, especially in the introduction paragraph. However, it was still pretty good.