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09/04/2019

How can i improve my essay?

QUESTION
How can i improve my essay?
can you guys please help me with my essay and tell me what i should improve so far i have just done the starting of my paragraphs and my intro isn’t fully finished but how can i improve it

In Romeo and Juliet hatred and vengeance create the tragedy in this drama. Discuss

The complex “Romeo and Juliet” is a famous play written by the famous play writer William Shakespeare it is the story of two young lover’s (Romeo and Juliet) who are unable to be together , because they belong to different feuding family’s(Romeo being Montague and Juliet being Capulet).In ” Romeo and Juliet “ a lot of tragedies that were avoidable if some of the character’s acted more responsibly and patently instead of replying with hatred and vengeance ,also tragedy comes from the great hatred and vengeance between the two feuding families. Last of all how the youth of the play create tragedies mainly by the hatred and vengeance that they have created.

The youth in Romeo and Juliet changed the story and caused tragedies mainly because of the hatred and vengeance within them. The youth in Romeo and Juliet changed the whole tune of the story changing it from a romantic comedy to a story filled with tragedies cause by hatred and vengeance.

Most of the tragedies were avoidable if they weren’t blinded by hatred and vengeance and acted more patiently and hastily.
The main cause of all the tragedies in Romeo and Juliet was the great hatred and vengeance between Montague and Capulet family’s. This hatred causes the central problems in which the tragic deaths begin. The hatred between the two families, and the is fatal

ANSWER
You have a lot of work to do… the grammar and punctuation is all over the place, not to mention that there’s no real content in your essay. You are basically repeating that their “hatred and vengeance” (you should really find synonyms for these words; it’s painful to read the same phrase over and over again) caused all their problems.

In any discussion, it’s important to include HOW and/or WHY with specific examples from the book. You never showed any instances where their hatred or desire for revenge caused a tragic event or even what the tragic events of the play were. A well written essay is all about content (examples, concrete details, etc). You can’t just write some vague lines and call it a good essay.

It would help me critique your essay if I knew what grade you are in. Based on the fact that this is about Romeo and Juliet, I am looking at it as around a 9th grade level paper. It will take too much space to write down all that’s not good about your essay, so I will just put down some thoughts I have. In general, don’t put in so many parenthesis like the first one that you used. It’s not necessary and it’s better if you separated the phrase from the sentence with commas instead. One thing I noted was that you repeated the word “famous” in the same sentence which seems redundant. And I will restate the need for words other than hatred and vengeance. Since your whole essay right now is filled with nothing more than those words and repeated sentences with basically the same meaning, there’s nothing more for me to review. If nothing else, please add CONTENT to your essay.

Sorry for the long reply and very honest answer. Good luck on your essay.