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09/04/2019

How can I make this essay better?

QUESTION
How can I make this essay better?
Among the many themes in the book Night by Elie Wiesel, the one that stuck out to me te mot is that of. The people who truly lov you will never leave your side and will always help you. Death was an invisible enemy that lingered among Elie and his father at all times during their imprisonment but even then, they both assisted each other until the end.For example, Elie was awakened by his father when he wanted t sleep.”Don’t let yourself be over come by sleep Elizer.It’s dangerous to fall asleep in the snow. You might sleep for good.Come on.Come on get up.’”(wiesel 84) his father told him.This goes hand in hand with whtat I believe is te most important recurring theme.Elizers’ dad looked after him to avoid the exhausted boy from sleeping to his death.The narrator also looked over his father when other prisoners were trying to throw him out of the wagon thinking he was dead.He “slapped him…and rubbed his hands crying:’Father!Father!Wake up, theyre trying to throw you out of he carrige.(wiesel 94) This act demonstrates how the main character loved his father and never left his side even though he had temptations One if the temptations was towards the end of the book when the head of the lock said to him “’don’t give your ration of bread and soup to your father. There is noting you can do for him nand you’re killing yourself.(wiesesl 105) It was not until then that he gave thought of so such cruel action. He later felt guilty and kept feeding his father. All in all, you can safely conclude that the sun and father loved each other because it was not until death separated them, that they left each others side.

Within the most importanmt effective literary device and the figurative language and comparisions the anuthor uses.For example, to tell home the temptation and hunger played a big role in the environment of the concentration camp, the author compares the situation to animals.As he described prisioners being tempted with soup, he states.”sparkling with desire, teo lambs with 100 wolves lying in wait for them.Two lambs without a Shepard-a gift”(Wiesel 56) In another quote, Elie describes he sight of the camp as “around me everything was dancing the dance of death”He means to say that the spirits of the prisioners were dead and that they were walking around without purpose.The last quote explains how Juliek’s passion for playing his violin influences and helps the rest of the prisioners in the train.He describes it as “it was pitch dark.I could only hear the violin and it was as though Juliek’s soul were the bow”(wiesel 90)

it has a ton of spelling mistakes that i will fix later but yeah

ANSWER
There are a number of things you can do to improve this. For one, the spelling is grossly distracting; in the future, I suggest you fix most (or all) of those errors prior to posting it for others to try to decipher.

My first issue is the introduction. This is clearly an academic paper (analyzing “Night”), so your introduction should seek to take your reader from his or her current mindset and location and transport his or her mind into your essay. By doing this, you will make your story far more relateable and important. Launching right in with the thesis statement is good only on the worst of timed essays.

Second, do not speak in the past tense about literature. It should not be “Elie went to the train”; rather, it should be “Elie goes to the train.” Although this is a work of non-fiction, and the events happened in the past, you are treating it as literature in this essay. I can still pick up “Night” and read it again; the story will still be very much the same. Because literature has that quality that it can be read again sometime in the future with the same results, it still exists in the present and must be spoken of as such.

Third, organization is bad. I alluded to this when I talked about how you just launch right into the thesis without even an attempt at an introduction; the problem becomes more pronounced after your 2nd sentence. Beginning with “Death was an invisible enemy” (which should actually be “Death is an invisible enemy” due to the present tense rule I spoke of above), you are analyzing the story and no longer introducing your essay; thus, a new paragraph should start here.

Lastly, the analysis is a bit weak. For the most part, you summarized the plot, telling what happened to Elie and his family. We can all read the book and figure that out; rather, explain how Elie’s description of the concentration camps heightens the reader’s sense of sorrow or hatred towards the Germans. That’s what the English geeks REALLY want you to do. You are on the right line with using the references to figurative language to explore this idea, but you need to take it one step further and talk about the HOW and the WHY and not just the WHAT. Sparknotes lists all the themes online; however, it cannot show how they are made effective. Don’t just write what’s obvious; go beyond that.