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09/07/2019

how to improve this essay ill choose best answer (10pts)…in 8th grade?

QUESTION
how to improve this essay ill choose best answer (10pts)…in 8th grade?
so i jst started 8th grade and our tescher is making us do a busines letter to test our writing skills. this is what i have so far:
“Dear Ms. _____: My name is (name). I am a thirteen year old born on (birthdate) in __(birthplace). In my household I live with my mom and dad and although I am an only child, I have a dog who is convinced to be my brother (SIDE NOTE: does the brother thing sound awkward.?). In my free time, I strongly enjoy painting but my true passion is swimming.”

this is the format she wants: Introduce yourself – name/nickname, age, birthplace, household, etc.
Describe how you see yourself – personality, likes/dislikes, habits, etc.
How would your previous teachers describe you as a student and a person? Do you agree or disagree with them? Why?
What are you good at? What do you struggle with? (academically and socially)
What is the one thing I can do to help you the most this year?

i got the first part down. for the second thing, my personality is “bubbly.” ican be reallyshy but once u get to noe me, i tlk all day. i did the likes/dislikes and habits already. my prvious teachers will describe me as not an all A student, but a srudent who still tries their very best. i totally agree wid them. i sometimes tend to struggle in reading and math. i tend to socially struggle by not socializing with some ppl, but there are some ppl i can tlk all day to. one thing she can help me with this year is my grammar. and ya.. tht basically it jst need ideas thxx(:

ANSWER
Dear Ms. _____:
My name is (name). I was born on (birthdate) in __(birthplace). I am thirteen years old. I live with my mom and dad and am an only child, I have an adorable (basset hound named Freddie) (give type of dog and name of dog) who I swear is convinced that he is my brother! He follows me evevrywhere and always wants to know what I am doing!

I have many interests. In my free time, I strongly enjoy painting with oils and watercolors (be specific about what you like to paint) Landscapes are my speciality, although lately I have been dabbling in portraits. I am currently working on a portrait of may adorable “wanna-be” brother, Freddie! (THis ties the family member to your interest for some unity) My true passion is swimming. I swim every chance I get (give details: where? lake? pool? laps? for competition or enjoyment?)

My previous teachers would describe me as a hard-working student who truly cares about her work. Although I may not always receive a top grade, I always pass in my very best work. I am eager to learn and to improve my skills. I will work very hard and appreciate a teacher who will work with me to help me develop my potential. I have found academics, like reading and math, to be a struggle at times, but I am not afraid of a challenge and I never give up easily.

Socially, I can come across as shy to people who do not know me well. Once I feel comfortable with people, I have a bubbly personality and can chat and giggle all day. I am trying to push myself harder to overcome my shyness and reach out more to people. At times I push my comfort zone and try to initiate conversations with new people even when it is uncomfortable for me.