I wrote an essay for my chspe and I need tips?

I wrote an essay for my chspe and I need tips?
All throughout school essay writing or just writing in general have been extremely hard for me. I can’t remember a time when I got better than a C on an essay, I absolutely HATE them. But I need to get a passing score on the essay I am required to write for the chspe test or I will not get a GED

sooo…’s my practice essay. please help me out if you can

I was supposed to write about why I believe young persons should or should not move away from home as soon as they are able to support themselves.

Here’s what I came up with after about an hr (about the same amount of time I will have on the actuall test)

I believe that young people, as soon as they are able should move away from home. It is an important part of growing up eventually everybody has to leave home and doing so early may be better for some. Being independent and self sufficient are important parts of adulthood. You can’t rely on parents to take care of you forever. Then again, immature people have been known to cause problems for themselves and others when not under supervision.
Being 17 myself and near graduation and a job. I will soon have means to support myself and live away from home. It is something that must happen in my life, I can’t live at home forever, my parents would kick me to the curb eventually. I have to grow up and take this step into adulthood. Some might argue that it is too early and it may be for some. Everybody is different but I believe that I am ready it makes sense to me for this to happen while I am still young and have pleanty of time to gain experiance living on my own. If I wait it may be too late in my life for me to make a major change, for example if I am not making enough money to support myself or family if I have one I may need to go back to school and further my education. I might not be able to do this if I have a family to take care of. Moving out early gives me some extra time to figure out how it all works. I also like the idea of not being at home.

I believe it is important to be self sufficeant, having a job, paying your own bills, and taking care of yourself and your home. The most important part of being self reliant in my opinion is having a sourse of income. Unless you have inherated some money this means you will have to get a job. You have to work to make a living. otherwise you have no chance of staying independent. Making enough to support yourself, pay bills, buy groceries, insurance, upkeep of your house/cars. It will be a chalange without a good job, so you will need one. This is also a major part of growing up. Parents like mine will not always financially support their children so they will have to do it themselves. As well as taking care of themselves financially, young people need to take care of themselves phisically as well. it may be difficult for some to keep from getting lazy, or doing something else that may damage their health. Again, this depends on the induvidual and how mature they are. Nonetheless I think that most will be able to support themselves even if they are young.

I also believe that for some, living without supervision may not be good. Many my age may not be ready to be independent. It will not be easy for most to support themselves and they may become astray. For example keeping a job requires that you show up on time and work efficiantly. Some might have a hard time keeping a job if they lack motivation or some other skill that has not fully developed yet. Some might just not want work and may stop showing up if they lack dicipline. You can’t expect all young adults to be completely responsibe all the time without some kind of supervision. You must be responsibe to support yourself but not everyone is. I still believe that most should leave home as soon as they have the means to do so. However it is not for everyone.

yea…so..there it is……..

I passed the CHSPE a while back and if you want to pass:

I think all your paragraphs shouldn’t start with “I believe”

you are not going to pass with 3 paragraphs

your first paragraph doesn’t sound like an intro because your answered the question right away

you do have a nice response to the question

you have good grammar and spelling


I think you should keep the 3 paragraphs and add a intro to the beginning and a conclusion to the end so you have 5 paragraphs and its well organized like this:

INTRO- introduce the question

P1- consequences of moving

P2- positives in moving

P3- should they or shoulder they move

conclusion- summarize what you said in 1-2-3 paragraphs

Its really in important to keep the reader entertained!!!

I hope this helps you pass the CHSPE make sure you have a good breakfast and stay the whole 4 hours in class reviewing. I took the CHSPE a while back and i am now in a 4 year university hopefully i graduate next year 🙂 GOODLUCK