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09/04/2019

Is this a good college application essay?

QUESTION
Is this a good college application essay?
I’m writing this for college applications and also for APenglish summer homework. I’m mainly doing it for the homework assignment right now. We had to choose a question and the essay has to be reflective. My question is ‘Have you ever struggled for something and failed? How did you respond? Have you experienced a feeling of disappointment and dissatisfaction of yourself?’ Here’s my essay:

All of high school I’ve felt that I have to have perfect grades and be this perfect person, who plays sports and is in all the clubs and does community service and gets a 36 on their act and never sleeps and still manages to be a happy person all the time. And I tried my best to fit in to this role, hoping that in the end I would be keeper of some good experiences and would be able to be a successful graduate and move on to a choice college and make everyone happy. Along the way I learned that it was impossible for me to do all of these things, because that’s just not who I was.
I’m smart and get pretty good grades, but I’m the kind of person that when I don’t understand something, I need to put in a lot of extra time to get it. And I did, as much as I could. I would stay after for math on days that I could and come in before school and study for it in my other classes, but I still couldn’t get my grades where I wanted them to be. When I look back at my C’s and B’s I feel disappointed in myself, because I know I could’ve done better. It just isn’t completely possible for me while playing sports. I always played sports; softball, basketball (for a year), and golf. I didn’t always think it was worth it. I’m not saying that I didn’t have a lot of fun playing them, because I did. And you learn a lot of life skills from sports. But sometimes I just felt like I didn’t like the sport but I wanted to play it to seem like that person who plays all the sports. I ended up only playing basketball a year, but believe me even though I hated it, I almost just kept playing. I always felt like I had to play sports, as to why, I’m not sure. It even seemed more important to me than grades for a while. I knew grades should come first, but a lot of times sports got in the way and grades weren’t a priority. As for being in school clubs, it didn’t seem to me that a lot many people were actually ‘in them’.There’s the people who are die-hard fanatics for key club or book club, and there’s the people who show up a couple times to say that they’re in it. They don’t actually want to devote their little free time to a club. Well I can’t half-do something. I have to go to every practice or every meeting or else I don’t feel like I should be involved. So I never ended up doing many clubs, but all during high school I just felt like I should do more, because what I did wasn’t good enough. I was in National Honors Society. I had to put a lot of time into it, as you have to write an essay and get inducted, then earn 10 hours of community service each trimester. It’s hard to do with sports and school but it was the one thing I made sure I did other than those.
Throughout high school I realized there is no ‘perfect student’.There’s just a lot of people trying. And a lot of people who may seem like they are perfect, but they’re not. What you have to do is choose the things you want to do, and try your best with them. I know now that I can do anything I set my mind to, but not everything. And I think I’ve learned to be happy with that, and to stop feeling like what I do is never good enough. I’m excited to go on to a university with this knowledge and although high school was fun, I’m expecting that college will be way more enjoyable and rewarding.

ANSWER
No, sorry, I would not say it is. You sound like you’re trying to justify your not-too-hot grades, and even admit that you only do sports for the title (colleges want you to be passionate about something and be devoted to it). I would choose a new topic. Write about something that means something to you, whether it is sports, community service, or maybe even a turning point in your life. If this essay you’ve just written is really important to you, I would tweak it to focus on the moment you realized you couldn’t be perfect, and what that means about you as a person. Sorry if that’s kind of vague, but really only you can answer this, it should be personal.

Also, you should tighten up your writing a bit and fix some of your grammar mistakes.