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09/04/2019

is this a good essay?

QUESTION
is this a good essay?
In life there are continuous ups and downs like a ship set at sea in a mighty stormy. No one knows how bumpy that ship ride of life can be as much as Murray burns (the main character of the play 1000 clowns by Herb Gardner). After Murray finds himself in the fetal position on page 71 of the play by Herb Gardner three incidents lead him to grow up and take responsibility for nick (A child that was abandoned by a mom somewhere to the left of whoopie).

Everyone must grow up. Everyone starts life from a womb and grows up, but Murray goes backwards from age thirty back to the womb, when Murray gets there he has nowhere to go than to grow up. Murray throws a temper tantrum like a 5 year old when Sandra (she symbolizes nicks mom and Murray’s wife) leaves because Murray didn’t get a job he yells at Sandra; “and what the hell did you do to my apartment? Where are my radios? Where are my clocks? What happened to my place? (Suddenly realizing he is still wearing a new suit, he pulls it off, rolls it up into a tight ball, and throws it violently across the room. A moment; then he relaxes, walks casually to the window, puts his favorite hat on, sits, leans back comfortably in the window seat, smiles. He talks out of the window in a loud mock-serious voice.) Campers the entertainment committee was quite disappointed with the poor turnout at this morning’s commitysing. I mean, where’s all that camp chickawattamee spirit? Now, id like to say that I- (he hesitates, he cant think of anything to say. A pause; then he haltingly tries again.) id like to say right now that I-that-that I- ( his voice soft, vague; he pulls his knees up, folds his arms around them, his head bent on his knees; quietly.) campers I cant think of anything to say…)
This line in the play is so important to morays choice on if he should grow up. First he asks Sandra where are my clocks which represent time, because Murray is in a paradox he wants time to stop so all his clocks were broken. Since Sandra gets rid of his broken clocks time has started for him he will have to grow up. Secondly he pulls of his suit and throws it across the room like an angry child; the suit represents no freedom, which is Murray’s least favorite thing.

ANSWER
I wouldn’t really call this an essay, if only for the brevity of it. In the introduction you don’t need to state that the play was written by Herb Gardner twice, and if you could eliminate the parenthesis it would flow better. The second sentence in paragraph two reads awkwardly. The word ‘back’ is used too many times. I would rearrange the sentence to “but Murray goes from age 30 back to the womb” or something along those lines. I’d also separate this sentence with either a semicolon or a period where the second comma is. In the third sentence it should be ‘Nick’s’ instead of ‘nicks.’ I would end that sentence after “get a job.” In the sentence that begins “This line in the play is so important” you misspelled ‘Murray’s’, and this sentence should be rewritten. In the next sentence, where are my clocks should either be in quotation marks or written as “asks Sandra where his clocks are” or something in that vain. This sentence is also a run-on, try separating it into two. In the next sentence I would add the word ‘and’ before he will have. If you are going to start this sentence with Secondly, you should change the other to Firstly instead of First. Consistency is a good thing. In the last sentence I would say it represents a lack of freedom, not ‘no freedom’ and that it frightens Murray, as this is a concept and not a thing so it can not be represented as a “favorite thing”. I hope this helps. Good luck on your paper. ^^