Is this a good way to start an Essay?

Is this a good way to start an Essay?
I’m doing the Peace Essay Contest and I’m writing about foreclosure in california. You know the mortgage crisis(just in cali.) And my opening sentence is “Foreclosure coming to a neighborhood near you.” I like it, but I’m not sure if its a good way to start my essay. Also, I would like to know how would you continue it, I’m thinking about saying something on how many families lost their home the previous quarter or how california is ranked 3rd in home foreclosure in the United State.Thank You and comments and other advice is welcomed.

Amy, this is a great title.
U may want to first introduce by giving the reason why mortgages are failing.
There are a few (sad) reasons:
– lots of ppl lost their jobs because of the recession
– ppl bought houses they could not afford
– mortgage brokers were lying on paper what prospective buyers were earning,so as to profit from the sale.

That’s how we got here.
Now who will step in to fix this huge problem?
The banks will not touch it coz the ppl are either without a job or can’t pay off that huge loan. Many mortgages are bigger than the house is worth.
It has to be the gov who becomes an emergency lender. By lending mortgages at lower than average interest, these ppl will be capable to continue to live in their home.
However, that is not what the Obama administration is doing. It is lending to banks, not to homeowners! So as time presses on, more and more ppl in ur naborhood will be foreclosed on.
For ending i suggest u dwell on the fact that many ppl have lost or are loosing the American Dream.