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09/07/2019

Is this a good writing piece?

QUESTION
Is this a good writing piece?
I was wondering if this litography would be good enough to turn in, or maybe even publish someday if I become a Journalist (I don’t want to but who knows what could happen?)
Please be a critic

Commit To Reading!
By Emily

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” – Helen Keller

One of the essentials of being successful in life is being able to read and write. I think reading is something that makes you a smarter person. It opens a door to exploring new secrets of the unknown world. It creates a magical impact that you can only collide with in your mind. Sometimes, the story seems so real that you wake up from a book and think that you are still in a mysterious world. Every person in this universe would be completely mindless without reading. I think that reading is a huge segment of life. Everything would be offbeat. No one would know where to go, or where they are going.
Reading is fun for enjoyment, as well as writing.

One of my first memories as a reader was when I would go to the library with my mom. She and I would pick out tons of books to check out, and then later, read them. We would often sit on the cushions of the benches and read other books that we couldn’t check out because of the book limit. I enjoyed this very much, and I think it had a great impact on my future as a reader. It helped bring me closer to reading.
When I was in the 6th grade, I went that same library for a Harry Potter book release party with one of my friends. Harry Potter has also influenced me to read thicker books as well as more challenging ones.
In 7th grade, I stopped reading for a period of time. I didn’t think it was cool to read, which was a big mistake. My grades soon dropped, but my mom encouraged me to read more often. Because of this, my grades got better. Reading helped me to learn new things and try a little harder in school.

Re… has also affected my writing skills dramatically. I often sit on my bed at night with one little book lamp for light and I write poems. Even though teachers force us to write, I still like to think of it as writing for enjoyment. If I think of it like this, then it helps me to do a much better job on my writing pieces for school. To write is not to put random words on paper, it’s to express your feelings, opinions, and views on life in a descriptive manner.
My 3rd grade teacher was the most active person in my writing future. Even though I was very young at the time, she inspired me to write. She would hand me a piece of paper and say, “I want you to write down all your thoughts.”
So I did. And I turned out to be a very good writer for my age. One of the things I liked best about her was when I wanted to give up, she would urge me to write more. Our class would do short stories, and I came up with one that made her smile. She was the meanest teacher I ever had, but she pushed us so hard to read and write, that we all ended up liking literature.

I will definitely keep reading and writing in my future. Reading has shaped me to be a smarter individual. Being able to read is probably what I love most. I would not be able to read funny comics, or read lyrics to a song. I treasure reading. Commit to reading, because it gives you a better purpose to enjoy the little things in life.

ANSWER
To be honest it reads like one of those middle school essays they make you write for contests on whatever cause is the flavor of the week.

In the first paragraph you make a lot of kind of bold statements without anything to back them up. “One of the essentials of being successful in life is being able to read and write.” and “Every person in this universe would be completely mindless without reading.” are ones that stick out to me. While you can use examples to back up the first one, the second one is pretty impossible to prove. The first paragraph I would do away with altogether and start with the second paragraph.

I think the second paragraph has a lot of potential. It’s always good when you can set a scene or create a specific place and time for a reader. “We would often sit on the cushions of the benches and read other books that we couldn’t check out because of the book limit. I enjoyed this very much, and I think it had a great impact on my future as a reader. It helped bring me closer to reading.” The first sentence is great, but the following sentences are what’s usually referred to as overwriting. You don’t need to say that you enjoyed it and it greatly impacted you because the fact that it’s something that sticks out in your mind already clues the reader into your enjoyment. I think to enhance the paragraph you could maybe mention a book or two that you particularly enjoyed.

The third and fourth paragraphs could be condensed into one paragraph. And for the sake of chronology I think the part about your 3rd grade teacher should be mentioned before your 6th and 7th grade years.

Maybe the ending paragraph should start off with the importance of committing in general and then have the ending sentences focus more on why committing to reading in particular is important both to an individual and to a larger community as a whole. I think something that really illustrates that point is slavery and how slavemasters kept knowledge from slaves because they knew that knowledge was power. Just make sure if you are making some sort of claim that you have something to back it up.

This has a lot of potential, it just needs some revision.