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09/08/2019

Making yourself happy before making others happy…?

QUESTION
Making yourself happy before making others happy…?
I’ve always been the guy that loves being with people at all times. I love it when people like being around me because I’m a fun guy to hang out with and make people laugh. But I believe underneath all of that is my insecurity of constantly wanting people to like me or constantly wanting people to be happy around me. So much so that I often forget that my feelings are the first thing that I need to tend to before I try to make others happy. Not sure if I’m explaining this accurately enough but what I’m trying to say is, what are some ways to practice focusing on MYSELF and MY LIFE rather than focusing on how to make others happy when the only way to truly make others happy is when you yourself is happy first! For example, I HAVE TO BE AROUND PEOPLE. How can I practice just to be by myself and realize that MY work and MY life have to be my focus during my college years (which I’m in right now). Sorry this is a freaking essay, but I would really appreciate the feedback…

ANSWER
You sound like me about a year ago. There’s nothing wrong with being sociable and wanting to make others happy, but not everyone deserves how you go above and beyond for them. Separate your *true* friends from people that you like to hang out with from time to time, but deep down you know they may not be there for you today or tomorrow.

When you’ve made your circle a little more tight-knit, re-evaluate yourself. What’s important to you? Obviously schooling and getting your life together. A good balance for this is to take a few days out of the week to hang out with your good friends. For example, dedicate Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (or whatever days you have class, really) to studying and focusing on you. On your days off, hang out with friends and be the life of the party as much as you want.

The key, again, is to figure out who’s deserving of your urge to make people happy. I hope that helps.