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09/04/2019

My friend blew off my birthday celebration to write a scholarship essay. Am I wrong for being mad?

QUESTION
My friend blew off my birthday celebration to write a scholarship essay. Am I wrong for being mad?
Hear me out: Last weekend, me and one of my closest friends were talking about what we wanted to do on my birthday weekend. We knew we would party either Thursday or Friday and have dinner Saturday. So, on Wednesday I talked to her and said we were partying Thursday night, and I EMPHASIZED that she needed to get all her work done during the day so she doesn’t have any excuses. She agreed.

So, 9pm Thursday comes (yesterday) and she tells me she doesn’t know if she could go because she was JUST NOW starting a scholarship essay that’s due the next day. She knew about this scholarship for weeks. I was really mad at her for waiting until the last minute when she had all day to do it.

Now here’s the thing I’m REALLY mad at – she does this ALL THE TIME. She knows she makes plans to hang out, but waits until right before the engagements to do her work. This means I get blown off all the time. I always tell her its okay because academics come first, but it’s really getting ridiculous.

Do I have a right to be mad? Should I say something?

ANSWER
Now you know how her parents must feel. Some people work better under pressure. They’re sprinters instead of plodders. Some don’t know how to pace themselves or prioritize.
Of course, you have a right to be angry, but insofar as changing this person I wouldn’t hold out much hope. Maybe you could turn the tables on her a little bit. When she wants to go out, you could tell her you can’t because you’re doing schoolwork. Don’t bother to even consider asking her to go out when you’re done and have some free time. Go out with other friends. When she realizes she’s being left out because she can’t organize her time a little better, maybe she’ll start working on that.