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09/04/2019

NYU Essay, Review?!?!? PLEASE?

QUESTION
NYU Essay, Review?!?!? PLEASE?
Here are my short answers to the prompts

Why NYU?

Living in California my whole life I always wanted to visit the big city, New York. Its great to know the NYU offers opportunities of school and life that I been looking for in a college. The environment around the school fits me perfectly; I really don’t like small and quiet areas, which leads me away from many colleges in the east. My first impressions were just the outside of NYU but I also had to keep in mind the inside. I’m looking to go into technology, at first glance NYU didn’t offer my intended major but looking through the details I noticed NYU has branches of different schools. NYU’s Polytechnic Institute offers my intended major in technology. Seeing the diverse and range of opportunities, I feel NYU fits what I have been searching in college. NYU has everything from life to education, it checks off my list. I hope to pursue my interest in technology in NYU.

Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU’s campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice.

Since a small age technology has always been fascinating. My interest started when I got my Nintendo when I nine. The system was interesting but it fascinating was how it worked. I looked at the game cartridge and all I saw was the shiny metal and wonder how I was able to play Super Mario. At a small age I couldn’t figure out how it worked but I wanted to be able to understand it. My desire to comprehend stuck through my life. Even till today I go into stores or read articles are the latest electronics, seeing the new innovations in software and hardware. When the iPhone came out, it was the first touch phone. I blew everybody mind and when I used it for the first time I had the mind puzzling questions when I got my Nintendo. After the iPhone many companies got into touch phones. Some of them were great and others were clunky. I am somewhat of a critic I see little things that could make devices a better and smoother experience. Becoming an engineer in technology would not only satisfy this engineering bug but also allow me to innovate my thoughts and ideas into a revolutionary electronic.

What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

A computer has endless possibilities, how can it not be the most intriguing. Most people just see the computer has way to use Facebook and YouTube, however I see as a way to people to develop in different aspects. The computer could be a TV, newspaper, or canvas and could appeal to anybody. Personally on spare time I learned how to use editing software because I liked to draw and create art. I watched tutorials how to use Photoshop and read articles on tips on details with in the program, the computer was personal teacher and book. I eventually developed skill and started creating business cards and designs for people. It amazes me that all this knowledge and self-expression came from a computer. My involvement in software was very significant; it allowed me to develop a stronger interest in technology. Seeing that technology can appeal to anybody is intriguing on its own.

ANSWER
“I am somewhat of a critic I see little things that could make devices a better and smoother experience.”
This sentence needs revising as it doesn’t make any sense.
“A computer has endless possibilities, how can it not be the most intriguing.”
Try replacing the comma with a period.
“Most people just see the computer has way to use Facebook and YouTube, however I see as a way to people to develop in different aspects.”
*as a way *I see it as *a way for people
Please, please revise these again. I also think you should consider adding some more commas in all 3 essays.

I’m doing NYU’s essays too, and I haven’t even started the third. It seems to be universally the hardest one. I DON’T KNOW WHAT INTRIGUES ME!!!