Close

09/04/2019

please rate my essay !!!!!!!!!!?

QUESTION
please rate my essay !!!!!!!!!!?
I always dream about living and studying on a city that they call “city of dreaming spires”. I rose on poorest and most underdeveloped districts of the Philippines which is “Tondo”. The education in Philippines is very low. I ask myself once “why do I need study in Philippines if I deserve what is the best which is in Oxford”.
Studying medicine in oxford is very hard and optimal. That’s why I’m eager to study medicine in Oxford. I love the culture in Oxford, their food, climate and everything in Oxford.
I also love their Received Pronunciation accent. I have read several books and sites in internet. They say there is only one “Received Pronunciation is the proper way of speaking in English”. I know its very hard to learn, but I’m willing to learn it. One of my books says “language is caught not taught”. So I should develop it in Oxford, not on internet.
I want to receive someday a Nobel Prize award in Physiology. I do believe that Oxford can make me a good doctor in future. I do believed that EF International Academy is the first stepping stone in success, not just in career but also in all aspects in life.
If I graduated on EF international academy, I want EF will be proud that they have an alumni like me. I want to become like Louis Pasteur who has a several contribution in the field of medicine. I want the world to know that great doctor is from EF.
I want to become part of some research group. I also envy Sir Isaac Newton on his contribution on physics. He is very clever. I may not be a genius or a talented but with the help of EF International Academy, I can be anyone.
I want to have a great contribution on mankind through science. I also admit that I’m a bibliophile and I think EF International Academy will like that kind of student.

any suggestion on how to improve it will help

ANSWER
I have edited ur essay.. Please rewrite it.. There are a few grammatical errors..

I’ve always dream’t
about living and
studying in a
city that most
call “city of
dreaming
spires”. I grew up on
poorest and
most
underdeveloped
districts of the
Philippines called
“ Tondo” where the level of education is very low. I once asked
myself why i need to study in
Philippines if I
deserve is studying in the oxford. Studying
medicine in
oxford is very
challenging and
optimal which makes me all the more eager to study medicine there. The food, culture and climate in oxford makes it even more tempting for me. Their
Received
Pronunciation accent impresses me and i have read several
books etc. about it. They say there is only
one “Received
Pronunciation is
the proper way
of speaking in
English ”. I am aware of the fact that it is very hard to learn, but I’m willing to put in alot of effort. I once read that “language is
caught not
taught”, this phrase has convinced me that i can do it if i put my heart and soul in learning. So I hopefully,
should develop
it in Oxford and Someday i would like to recieve a
Nobel Prize
award in
Physiology. I do
believe that
Oxford can
make me a good
doctor in future and that EF
International
Academy is the
first stepping
stone in success,
not just in
career but also
in all aspects in
life. Im inspired by
Louis Pasteur
who has a
several
contribution in
the field of
medicine and I want
the world to
know that the great
doctor is from
EF. I hope to
become part of
some research
group and also
envy Sir Isaac
Newton on his
contribution on
physics. I
may not be a
genius or a
talented person but
with the help of
EF International
Academy, I can
be anyone.
I want to have a
great
contribution on
mankind
through science and
I also admit that
I ’m a bibliophile
and I hope that EF
International
Academy will
take a pleasure to have a student like me.