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09/08/2019

Pls read and evaluate my essay?

QUESTION
Pls read and evaluate my essay?
So this is my narrative essay…pls feel free to make/add changes…correct any gramatical mistakes or rearrange sentences if you feel its not gramatically correct.Thanks a lot.

My First apartment

I still remember the time when i got my first apartment.The joy and the excitement of buying something on your own was impeccable.I was 20 years old and after living with my parents for two years i finally decided to get my own apartment.Moving proved to be a little difficult then i expected but in the end everything worked out well.Moreover it Perfectly factored into my monthly budget of $600.

The apartment was Located in russellville,arkansas.It was situated on the edge of the 5th denver street.The neighborhood seemed safe,clean and peacefull.It was about half a mile from my college,arkansas tech which meant that most of the people in the neighborhood were either students or faculties from college.

The old-bricked apartment looked like a perfect place for me to live in.It light brown in color and had some shades black too.The entrance door was located on the front left side of the building.There was a small garden in the front and parking space for about 10 cars on the back.The garden was neatly mowed and a small brick pathway was made in the middle which led to the entrance door.I parked my car at the back and got my stuff out from the trunk.There were four other cars parked in the parking lot.All i had brought with me was clothes and some food,i decided to buy other utilities later on after i got settled.Unfortunately the back side of the apartment didnt have any entrance.The only entrance was at the front.

I went to the front to enter my newly rented apartment.I saw few shrubs planted touching the front wall next to the door.They looked good,I entered the building.There were two houses on the first floor and two on the second,Mine was number three on the second floor. I noticed four mailboxes hanging on the wall next to the door.Each mailbox had a sticker on it with the apartment number and owner’s name.The front stairs led me to the second floor.I opened the door with the key which the owner gave me a couple of days ago.

I smelled a scent of rose and vanilla as i opened the door.The owner had sprayed air freshner in the whole house to make it smell good.The house looked new in contrast to the buildings exterior look.I was standing in the living room.The wall had light yellow color which perfectly matched with the light lamp that was placed at the corner of the room.The room was The floor had brown carpet which was soft and clean.There was a fan with four light bulbs placed under it at the center of the room.The air condition ventillator were place in the upper wall at all four ends of the room.

I went further into the house,The kitchen was connected to the living area but it had brick floor unlike carpet floor in living room.A small smoke alarm was placed above the fridge.I opened the fridge to look if anything was in there,it was empty.The food counter had a microwave,electric gas stove,oven and a small fan for absorbing smoke.The wash basin was on the other side of the wall which was adjacent to the food counter.Food shelves for putting vessels and other utilities were placed above the gas stove and under the wash basin.There were three shelves over fridge for putting snacks.

There was a small hall between the living area and kitchen area which led to the bedroom. The bedroom floor was made of carpet which stretched from living area.It was a king size bed room and had a closet big enough to fit all my clothes with ease in it.Similar to the living room it had four air condition ventillators on the four ends of the room.On the opposite wall to the door,there was a small window.I could see my parking area from there,Ah nothing special!

Just opposite to my Bedroom was the bathroom.It had wooden flooring with a marble wash basin and a small shelve above it.The bathing tub was made of marble and had a white curtain attached to it.The tub had small rectangular blocks carved in it which could be used for putting soap,shampoo or other bathing stuff.

Finally i got my clothes and food arranged and went out to do some shopping.I will always remember that memorable day.Even today i get a feeling of joy and self accomplishment when i think about that day when i moved in to my first apartment.

ANSWER
I remember when I got my first apartment. The joy and excitement of buying something on (my) own was impeccable. I was 20 years old and, after living with my parents for (the past) two years, I finally decided to get my own (place). (Although moving was a little more difficult THAN I had expected, everything worked out well in the end. The rent factored perfectly into my budget of $600.)

The apartment was (located in Russellville, Arkansas, and was situated on the corner of 5th Denver Street. It was a peaceful neighborhood, clean and quiet, and was only about a half-mile from my college, Arkansas Tech, which meant that most of my neighbors were either students or members of the college faculty.)

(I thought the old-bricked apartment was the perfect place for me. The building was light brown with some shades of black. It had a small garden in the front and parking spaces for about ten cars in the back. The garden was kept neatly mowed and had a small brick pathway running through the middle that lead to the entrance door on the building’s left side. As I first arrived that day, there were only four other cars in the parking lot. I parked my car and got my belongings from out of the trunk. I didn’t have much; all I brought with me were my clothes and some food. I had decided to buy whatever else I’d need after I got settled. Unfortunately, there was no entrance at the back of the building, so I had to carry my things to the front.)
(Walking to the front entrance to find my newly-rented apartment, I noticed a few shrubs were growing against the front wall beside the door and was pleased with how they looked. As I entered the building, I saw there were two apartments on the first floor and two on the second floor. Mine was apartment number three on the second floor. Four mailboxes were hanging on the wall beside the front door. Each of these was labeled with an apartment number and the name of each occupant. The front stairway led me to the second floor. I opened the door using a key the building’s own had given me a few days before.)
(As I entered the room, I noticed the scent of rose and vanilla. The owner had sprayed air freshener throughout the apartment to make it smell nice. The apartment looked new in comparison with the building’s exterior. Standing in the living room, I noticed that the wall had been painted a light yellow color, which perfectly matched a lamp that sat in the corner of the room. The floor was covered with a brown carpet that was both soft and clean. On the ceiling, at the center of the room, there was a fan-lamp, and at each of the upper corners of the walls were four air conditioning ventilators.)

Sorry, Yahoo answers won’t let me post more. Rephrase a few of the remaining things as above. Good luck.