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09/04/2019

Someone check my expository essay please?

QUESTION
Someone check my expository essay please?
first of all is this in the the right way to write an expository essay about a book? of not can you help me and give me some ideas from what i told you….what can i add in my intro and concluding paragraphs? if its correct can you check my grammar? THANK YOU !

In the story “The Five Helpers” a Gumishi Dilemma Tale retold by a A. W. Cardinall, there are five helpers that help find a girl and bring her back to life. In the following paragraphs I will describe how each one of them help in the process of finding the girl.
The tale starts of with a beautiful girl who was the daughter of a chief. She was finer to look upon than any other girl. Men from all countries came to see her and even though she was of marriageable age she would take none. There was a large python who dwelt in a vast lake by the river. When he heard about the girl and changed in to a human and went to the village to marry her.
Once the girl saw him she said she would marry him at once and that night the people took the young couple on the roof top of the house and there they left them. The next morning the people called for the young girl and boy to come down but there was no response so they climbed to check what was the matter. They saw that they were both missing and tried to search for them but there were no tracks. They called this man who could smell everything. He at once smelled the trail of the girl and followed it down to the river. Then they called it for a man famous through all the country for his thirst. He drank all the water from the lake and there was still no sign of them.
Then the people called a man famous for his capacity for work and told him to take out all the mud from the lake. After all the mud was out of the lake, there was a whole that no one was able to reach to the bottom. Then they remembered that there was a man with an arm that could stretch all over the Dagomba Island he out his arm into the whole and once he pulled it out, out cam the python. They killed the p

ANSWER
An expository essay requires you to state a thesis. Your first statement is fine. But then you must state what you are going to show with your essay. What does this story expose? I would suggest one of three things, something about the girl picking the wrong guy for the wrong reasons, something about appearances can be deceiving (a good looking guy might be a snake), or something about it takes many skills and cooperation to get things done. I don’t know if I am right since I have never read the story, but I would go with the 2nd or 3rd idea.

Only part of your essay is in the question. But, from what I can read, a few suggestions.

You use the word “help” too often. For instance, “In the following paragraphs I will describe how each one of them help in the process of finding the girl.” You might change this to “how each of them contribute to the process”

She was finer to look on sounds like it came straight from the story. Maybe you just want to say she was the most beautiful girl in the world?

She would take none – She refused all of their offers of marriage. (Do you know why? Your essay made me wonder if she was spoiled or picky or what? and since the story is about how she picked a fraud and presumably learned a valuable lesson at the end, this may be important to your essay/teacher.)

This should be a paragraph by itself. I made some corrections. ( I also wonder if you should include something about Why did she say yes to him? What was different about him from every other man?)

There was a large python who dwelt in a vast lake by the river. When he heard about the girl, the python changed into a man, went to the village, and asked the girl to marry her. The girl took one look at him and said she would marry him at once.

That night the people took the young couple to the roof top of the house and left them there to celebrate their wedding night. The next morning the people called for the newlyweds to come down but there was no response. They climbed the rooftop to find out why no one answered and saw that the rooftop was empty. The girl and her husband were both missing. The immediately searched for them, but there were no tracks.

They decided to call for the man who could smell everything. He at once smelled the trail of the girl and followed it down to the river where the trail ended. The river ran into a lake, which was full, so they called for a man famous through all the country for his thirst. He drank all the water from the lake. There was still no sign of the couple. Next, the people called a man famous for his capacity for work and asked him to take out all the mud from the lake. After all the mud was out of the lake, there was a hole which was so deep no one was able to reach to the bottom. The people remembered that there was a man with an arm that could stretch all over the Dagomba Island. They asked for his assistance. He put his arm into the hole and when he pulled it out, out came the python. The people killed the python.

The rest of your essay wasn’t included. so I don’t know what happened to the girl – if she learned her lesson or not.

Your final paragraph should restate your thesis and should say how the story showed it to be true. For instance, To save the girl, required the special skills of five different people working together. Without the five helpers unique abilities and their willingness to work together the chief’s daughter would have been lost forever.