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09/08/2019

Someone grade my SAT essay, please?

QUESTION
Someone grade my SAT essay, please?
Can someone read over my SAT pratice essay and give me an approximate score from 1-6? Some comments and feedback would be nice with your response. 10 points for the best answer, thanks! 🙂

Essay prompt: Is deception ever justified?

My response:

Though society has taught us all that “honest is the best policy”, deception can be acceptable, but only in some cases. A line must be drawn between what is ‘acceptable’ deception and what is ‘unacceptable’ deception. While deception for personal gain and other selfish motives is morally wrong, deception used for a just cause is understandable, and even justified.

When the Greeks decided to send the the Trojans the peace offering of a wooden horse, it was justified deception at its finest point. The Trojan War was a brutal, but noble war for the Greeks, as they tried to win their King Menaleus’ honor back. The Greeks had suffered humiliating defeats after another, while the Trojans were relishing in their victory. With Odysseus’ cunning, the Greeks were able to avenge themselves upon the Trojans.

Meanwhile, the Trojans truly believed that the massive, wooden horse standing front of Troy’s gates was a sign from the Greeks. However, this was far from the truth. The Greeks had tricked and manipulated the Trojans in such a clever manner that they were able to attack the enemy by surprise. The wooden horse allowed the Greeks to win the war against the Trojans. Winning the war, the Greeks were able to restore their king’s honor. In this case, the famous Trojan horse has come to represent an example of deception that was truly justified.

Deception has always carried a bad connotation, but that can be attributed to the fact that most people do not understand the difference between justified and unjustified deception. When used in the proper situation, such as a war where one’s honor is at stake, then deception becomes not a matter of depravity, but rather a necessity.

(Errr…it’s kind of bad? I think…but I only had 25 minutes to do this. and i might of fluffed some of the facts about the trojan war/horse)

ANSWER
i would give it a 8/9 out of 12.

Here’s what I would improve, the trojan war story contained a bit too much plot summary the SAT readers care more about how your example proves your thesis than how much history or summary of a book you can recall. I would also advise you to condense the two body paragraphs and find another example for your second body paragraph. (examples off the top of my head: parents that hid the 911 attacks from their children for fear of harming them emotionally, government withholding disturbing pictures of the war on terror in order to shield citizens etc.).

Good Luck and Keep Practicing!