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09/07/2019

what do you think of my essay?

QUESTION
what do you think of my essay?
Degradation

The German soldiers dehumanized the Jewish people by taking their freedom, voice, and identity.
The German soldiers took many of the Jews freedom by taking them from there loved ones, prized possessions, and the safety of their own homes. “ The time has come.. You must leave all this.”(page 16) The only items that they had was the few things the German allowed them to have. Which was little food and there valuables, furs, and gold was taken from them. The definition of freedom is; the power to act or speak or think without externally imposed restraints exemption. But the Jews definition was what ever they were given so they could survive. Many Jews would rely on each other to survive in the conditions that were given to them. Everyday was a new chance at escape and survival. They were treated like dogs, every moment they had to follow any harsh command given to them. In the night they could hear the fiery gun shots fired at anyone that would disobey the German. The smell that went through the camp was of burning skin. Anytime there was a command to be quite all you would hear is the thumping of the worried hearts.
There voice was taken from them, the only time they could talk is when they were allowed to. But it was never really there voice, any comments where to be what the German wanted to hear. The Jews had no choice in where they lived or what they ate. Many would suffer in silence seeing the loved ones die for no reason. Many wanted to cry but the satisfaction that the German would get from seeing that sight prohibited them from crying. The greatest fear was to not be with the loved ones, but at the beginning of the camp many were separated by sex and age. The sex picked there path on how hard they will work and where. The age decided there fate, to old or to young to work sent them on the path of there death. Before they realized there fate it was often to late. “I didn’t know that this was the moment in time and the place where I was leaving my mother and Tzipora forever. I kept walking, my father holding my hand.”(page 29)
All Jews identities were changed. They no longer had there name, but a number. “ I became A-7713. From the on, I had no other name.“(page 42) All clothing was taken from them. As long as they were some what covered the German didn’t care. Many clothing and shoes were to small or too big. Jews would hope to find someone with the clothing size they needed.
Dehumanization is the process by which the Nazis gradually reduced the Jews to “things” which where nuisances to them.

ANSWER
Ok I went through and edited this for you without changing a whole lot. Not to be critical as it was a good essay but we might need to watch these words. The biggest one was the use of There which is very common for persons to err on.
When we talk about people or possessions it is Their not There. There only means “over there” Their is possessive as in it (whatever it is) belongs to the subject you are talking about as in Their shoes were too small. The other one is the use of German when it should be Germans. The German means only one person but in the context of your essay it is the entirety of the Country as in the Germans. The German didn’t like to hear anything means only one person was there but in your essay you are actually talking about the Germans with an “s” Other than that pretty good essay.

Copy and past it back and change it if you want to and hope it helps.

The German soldiers dehumanized the Jewish people by taking their freedom, voice, and identity.
The German soldiers took many of the Jews freedom by taking them from their loved ones, prized possessions and the safety of their own homes. “The time has come. You must leave all this.”(page 16) The only items that they had were the few things the Germans allowed them to have. Which was a little food while their valuables, furs, and gold was taken from them. The definition of freedom is; the power to act or speak or think without externally imposed restraints exemption. But the Jews definition was whatever they were given so they could survive. Many Jews would rely on each other to survive in the conditions that were given to them. Every day was a new chance at escape and survival. They were treated like dogs while every moment they had to follow any harsh command given to them. In the night they could hear the fiery gun shots fired at anyone that would disobey the Germans. The smell that went through the camp was of burning skin. Anytime there was a command to be quiet all you would hear is the thumping of the worried hearts.
There voice was taken from them. The only time they could talk is when they were allowed to. But it was never really their voice. Any comments were to be what the Germans wanted to hear. The Jews had no choice in where they lived or what they ate. Many would suffer in silence seeing their loved ones die for no reason. Many wanted to cry but the satisfaction that the Germans would get from seeing that sight prohibited them from crying. The greatest fear was to not be with the loved ones, but at the beginning of the camp many were separated by sex and age. The sex picked their path on how hard they will work and where. The age decided there fate, too old or too young to work sent them on the path of their death. Before they realized their fate it was often too late. “I didn’t know that this was the moment in time and the place where I was leaving my mother and Tzipora forever. I kept walking, my father holding my hand.”(page 29)
All Jews identities were changed. They no longer had their name, but a number. “I became A-7713. From then on, I had no other name.”(page 42) All clothing was taken from them. As long as they were somewhat covered the Germans didn’t care. Most of the clothing and shoes handed out were too small or too big. Jews would hope to find someone with the clothing size they needed.
Dehumanization is the process by which the Nazis gradually reduced the Jews to “things” which where nuisances to them.