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09/04/2019

Would anyone want to read my college essay? What do you think about it?

QUESTION
Would anyone want to read my college essay? What do you think about it?
Describe a character in fiction. a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you and explain that influence.

Three Little Birds

At one time or another in everybody’s life people have something that motivates them to succeed and reach their goals. For me that motivation is a song by the musician Bob Marley. Listening to his uplifting words has really changed me a person. I was once very self conscious, however this song taught me that there is nothing to worry about and to just be myself. The chorus “ Don’t worry, about a thing, because every little thing, is going to be alright” really is meaningful to me and influenced me greatly as I have become the person that I am today.

I once lost motivation for school and almost gave up, but then I heard this phenomenal song and it inspired me to work even harder on my studies. All throughout my Junior year my grades started to rapidly decline. Even though it hasn’t quite been a whole year, I have grown since then and have realized the value and importance of a quality education.

I have changed my overall attitude from my junior year and from that point on (After my junior year) I have challenged myself at my obstacles, not only to overcome them, but also strive for greatness in each of them. No more will I be near last, but will do my best to become first. I will prove what I am worth, no matter how difficult something will be, I won’t complain, and I won’t stop to achieve excellence and my goals of attending ______.

It’s only my rough draft so there is a lot of room for improvement. I’m changing a lot of stuff tonight but I just wanted some feedback on how it is right now.

ANSWER
It’s a good start, but I don’t get the title three little birds, maybe make it clearer as you add on to the essay. For now, I think be more specific about some of the obtacles you have faced and how you overcame them. Why you want to go to college, i.e. other than it’s good to have an education. Talk about how a college education will impact your life and how you intend to use what you learn after school e.g. in a profession, to make the world a better place etc. Before you send the final one, check for grammar and spelling mistakes and ask someone e.g. a teacher to read it and give you their opinion. Good luck