Effective discipline when applying the limits to our children is paramount. To effectively educate our children we make the rules at home in order to comply. The secret is to do it consistently and firmly. One of the educational consequences of a lack of skill in setting the rules and set the limits may be the lack of respect, that occurs when we talk too much, exaggerating on emotion, and in many cases, we were wrong in our way to express clearly what we want or what we do with too much authority.
10 basic tips for applying educational limits
When we need to tell our children to do something and “now” (picking up toys, bedtime, etc..), We must consider some basic tips:
- Objectivity. One often hears in ourselves and other parents expressions like “Be good”, “be good”, or “do not do that.” These terms mean different things to different people. Our children will understand better if we mark our standards more concrete form. A well-specified limit and short sentences usually clear precise orders for a child. “Speak softly in a library”, “feeds the dog now,” “grab my hand to cross the street” are some examples of ways that can substantially increase the complicit relationship with your child.
- Options. In many cases, we can give our children a limited opportunity to decide how to meet their “orders”. Freedom of opportunity makes a child feel a sense of power and control, reducing resistance. For example: “It’s bath time. Would you prefer you shower or bathe?”. “It’s time to get dressed. Would you choose an outfit or should I? This is a quick and easy way to give a child two options to do exactly what we want.
- Firmness. In really important issues, where there was resistance to obedience, we need to firmly apply the limit. For example: “Go to your room” or “Stop!, Toys are not for throwing” are an example of this. Firm limits are best applied with secure voice, without yelling, and serious expression on his face. The soft limits assume that the child has a choice to obey or not. Examples of light limits: “Why do not you take the toys out of here?” “You must do the homework now”, “Come home now, okay?” or “I really wish I cleanse you.” These limits are appropriate for when you want the child to take a certain path. Anyway, for those few obligations “must be done”, you will be best accessory to your child if you apply a strong mandate. Firmness is between the light and the authoritarian.
- Accentuate the positive. Children are more receptive to “do” what they are told when they receive positive reinforcement. Some direct repression as “no” or “to” tell a child that their performance is unacceptable, but does not explain what behavior is appropriate. In general, it is better to tell a child what to do (“Speak Low”) before it should not do (“Do not cry”). Authoritarian parents tend to give more orders and say “no”, while others often change orders clear sentences that begin with the verb “do”.
- Save distances. When we say “I want you to go to bed now,” we are creating a personal power struggle with our children. A good strategy is to state the rule of an impersonal way. For example: “It’s 8, bedtime” and you show the clock. In this case, some conflicts and feelings will be between the child and the clock.
- Explain why. When a child understands the reason for a rule as a way to prevent dangerous situations for himself and for others, you will feel more encouraged to obey. Thus, the best when it applies a limit, is to explain to the child why he has to obey. Understanding why children can develop internal values of conduct or behavior and create their own conscience. Before giving a long explanation that can distract children, says the reason in a nutshell. For example: “Do not bite people. That hurt them” “If you throw toys from other children, they will feel sad because they like to play even with them.”
- Suggest new location. Whenever you apply a limit to the behavior of a child, tries to indicate an acceptable alternative. Will sound less negative and your child will be compensated. Thus, you can say, “that’s my lipstick and is not to play. Here’s a pen and paper to paint.” Another example would be to say: “I can not give candy before dinner, but I can give you an ice cream afterwards.” By offering alternatives, you’re teaching your feelings and desires are acceptable. This is a more correct way of expression.
- Firmness in compliance. Prompt rule is essential for effective implementation of the boundary. A flexible routine (bedtime at 8 one night, at 8 and a half in the next, and 9 on another night) invites resistance and becomes impossible to meet. Routines and important rules in the family should be effective every day, even if you are tired or unwell. If you give your child the chance to spin their rules, they will surely try to resist.
- Disapprove the behavior, not the child. Make it clear to your children that your disapproval is related to their behavior and not go directly to them. Do not show rejection towards children. Before you say “you’re wrong”, we should say “that is wrong” (disapproval of the behavior).
- Controls emotions. The researchers note that when parents are very angry punished more seriously and are more likely to be verbally and / or physically abusive to their children. There are times when we need to take the situation more calmly and count to ten before reacting. Discipline is basically to teach the child how to behave. You can not teach effectively if we are extremely emotional. In front of a bad behavior, it is best to have one minute calm, and then calmly ask, “What happened here?”. All children need their parents to establish guidelines for acceptable behavior. The more skilled we become at setting limits, the greater the cooperation we receive from our children and the need for less unpleasant consequences for the limits are met. The result is a pleasant home atmosphere for parents and children.